Gazes into the Heartland- Reflections on
Auroville Life – and Life
by Anandi Zhang
Writing this article is a timely review of my life journey so far, and a turning to a new chapter. I willingly engage and am grateful; the same sentiment goes for my being in Auroville and engaging in its activities.
I realised, and have been reassured time and again, how all the life streams have been converging to bring me here — back to La Mère, back home.
My life began on a small farm in Chongqing, Southwest China. The Yangtze and Jialing rivers meet here, and it is home to nature’s bounty, cultural dynamics, and Taoist and Buddhist practices. The soil is rich, and at various times during my childhood, there were cats, dogs, pigs, chickens, ducks, rabbits, bees, dozens of grains, beans, vegetables, and fruit trees. Climbing date trees, eating and harvesting from there, is a fond memory that stays with me to this day. I also liked to sing spontaneously — when nobody was around, I would sing of how I felt, and all the wondrous things I saw.
My family wanted a boy. So the “trauma” of not being accepted and valued as who I am was seeded even before I was born.
As I grew into an adorable, obedient girl, willing to help with farm work and excelling in studies, my family became proud of me and placed high hopes — and heavy pressures — on my young shoulders, heart and mind. Society, too, had its moulding impacts. It weighed too much and nearly broke me into pieces. For years in my late twenties and early thirties, I felt depressed, even though outwardly I seemed to be doing well.
Poetry saved me. One evening, I was strolling by a lake, chewing on the senselessness of life. Then, suddenly, I heard a child and his grandpa reciting a poem aloud, their voices ringing clear as they strode across the frozen lake. The sheer beauty of the scene pulled me out of my pit. In that moment, I realised: my life is yet to blossom. It’s not yet over.
I never felt fully at home in my family or hometown. The urge to go out — far away, to vaster lands and horizons — propelled me beyond my concerns and timidness. After years of working as an English teacher, editor, and translator, I became a freelancer and travelled. Staying in one place made me feel stuck; travelling gave me a sense of ease and flow.
In 2014, I decided to honour the dream of travelling worldwide — starting from… India. I knew nothing, except that we are neighbours. I came without a travel plan and let the universe guide me. It did, miraculously. I felt a sense of familiarity in this “new” land and was welcomed into Indian families, markets, and ashrams.
In the Ramana Maharshi Ashram library, I came across a small booklet — The Mother: a Short Biography. It shook my being. How come there is someone called The Mother? And there is this Auroville experiment on human unity going on for over forty years — the dream of the ancient Chinese now being practised in the modern world? And I knew nothing of it, with the internet and all the bombardment of information?! Incredible.
What is this child in me that wakes up and jumps with joy, knowing that Auroville exists? What in me was not ready before this? How was I opened to it? How could I ever miss it? Never. I need to join in.
Immediately, I came — first as a guest, then a volunteer, and finally got “stuck” here, stickily. 🙂 This “attachment” is binding, grounding, elevating, and liberating.
The first thing I decided was to stay full-time in Auroville for at least three years — to transplant myself into this familiar new land and grow roots. Summer heat matters not — my hometown can be hotter; in this, I am blessedly prepared. In other aspects, I would say one is never fully prepared for the integral experience of Auroville.
On the day I was confirmed as an Aurovilian, I submitted the “Farewell” form. I mean it — I hope to live and die here, knowing why I came and staying till when I go.
There is so much to explore and engage in, that one lifetime in Auroville is certainly not enough. So far, at various moments, I have tried farming, gardening, translation, organisation, education, healing, poetry, stories, theatre, exhibitions, publishing, and design. Here are some examples of where I have put my energy:
Interestingly, I was labelled an “idealistic dreamer” since childhood, no matter how much I kept doing. I used to feel that “they” were right in a certain sense — but not completely. I must confess: this sad sense that “they”, or “you” — including family, friends, and strangers who strangely hold on to preconceptions, impressions, and opinions — do not see, do not know, truly or fully, whether the resulting attitude is positive or negative, stuck or shifting… this has been with me, troubling me over decades. How could humans be wired like this, for millennia? I used to find it hard to decipher, digest, and discharge.
Well, if one must define and describe, I am a “realistic idealist” — honouring the innate need to always uphold an ideal, and working towards realising it in myself and in the world.
I see instances of not having an ideal — of dwindling, muddling, or losing it, even if temporarily — and I know the price one pays for it. In this, the “law” of the universe is fair enough for everyone.
Being in Auroville, I find it is home to the loftiest, vastest ideals, the most basic practicalities, and all the shades in between. What a scope! Everything and everyone is here to inspire or challenge us — depending on how one sees it and responds. I have been feeling the intensity of it: the need to dive in and stay afloat in the energetic waves, and the boundless Grace that carries us.
This inner clarity — and the inspired actions that spring from it — help me navigate situations where outer “realities” mismatch my sense of justice, truth, and beauty, and my need for true connection and human warmth.
I no longer count on “others” to know me the way I desire or deserve. Honestly, how much do I know myself — or “others”? In essence, yes. But in this multi-faceted, ever-changing world… very little. If this can disrupt and distress me, if I have suffered enough from such incoming waves, my reactions and rechewings, and if I have a need, a mission to know myself and “others” truly, fully, in every sense of it, then my stance has got to shift.
I was pressed, pushed and pulled to — grudgingly at first, then willingly, joyfully — take the much-needed baby steps to do so, to be so. Here, we are gifted all the occasions to practise. And I see it as a process: fermenting every encounter into compost for the fertile soil, to grow the sacred seed within.
This shift is creating miracles — in me, in waves that ripple out. It has been transforming me from the crying, complaining child into a mostly radiant Anandi.
There are still “challenges” — my own and the world’s. I see, very tangibly now, the world as a play, and every scene is staged by the scriptwriter-cum-director in us and beyond us. Theatre performances can sometimes feel fake; yet real-life actors — all of us — act so authentically, even when knowingly or unknowingly faking it, dramatising it, that we all deserve Oscars and whatever awards or rewards this life adventure offers.
And the creative child in me likes to change the script; the curious child in me likes to peep behind the scenes — to know what’s going on there, what moulds and moves us, what threads are laid and woven together, and what patterns are forming; the maturing child in me still plays on, her body layered with paints and textures from experiences and insights. I realised that we are painted, not tainted. I can relate to that pure core — and the refining ore — in me, in you. I experimented. It works. In fact, there are infinite ways to relate to one another — if only we care to try.
What robes do you wear?
What roles do you play?
What makes your eyes roll?
What makes them shine?
What make you roar with anguish?
What makes you roll with laughter?
When will you shed those robes and roles?
I’ve been receiving gift packages from this inward gaze: the repeated experience of “other people” floating up from my body, heart, and mind re-confirms that they are all in me. I can perceive and take on some of their traits and characteristic ways of seeing, doing and being. All these imprints and fusions are teaching me acceptance, compassion, and a love that both sustains and transcends.
It also simplifies — even nullifies — the complexities of mind-formation. This releases the creative potential in all aspects of life — a childhood dream I’m living, only now. Not too late, though.
I am marrying the dichotomies — man and woman, good and bad, work and play — into a union that births something whole. I feel like I’m mothering the inner child in the beings housed inside me — and inside you — with a tenderness that finally feels home.
Till the heartland,
Till it becomes
The Homeland.
Eyelids part
Only to meet again.
For the eyes that see
We are never apart.
Some years ago, I wondered: Why isn’t there a soulful song of Auroville? Then, slowly, some tunes and one or two lines began to emerge. The song has become familiar — yet still incomplete. Whenever it rises, it gently, surely carries me into its domain — where I belong.
“Your life on this earth is a divine poem that you are translating into earthly language or a strain of music which you are rendering into words.”
Sri Aurobindo, Essays Divine and Human
I feel I am an ancient soul, pickled in many cultures, having walked across continents and constellations. In this life, I came from the uni-verse and landed first in China, then here in Auroville — to integrate and birth the future in the now.
Everything seems to be unfolding now — swiftly, unmistakably. What doesn’t match the universal momentum — habits, notions and roles — is falling away. And my only job is to do the seriously needful, with a light heart.
For a wanderer through lifetimes and eternal space, I feel life is a maze that never ceases to amaze.
I wander, and I wonder.
Anandi Zhang
Auroville, November 2025
Resources
Anandi Zhang
Instagram: weave_lifelines
The Mother’s symbol in multiple languages: https://auroville.org/page/the-mother-ssymbol
Auroville website (in Chinese): https://auroville.org/languages/zh-CN
Auroville & Ashram Documentaries (Youtube playlist):
https://youtube.com/playlist?
list=PLy3EJX6ELdZ_WG9ANhjrazVM6zRjkqURc&si=EdEYbJXhISLXqtrN
The Journeying Me-We (Youtube playlist about Anandi & co-creative friends):
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-cdpNKGJrNVvksXmxQst8SCbg8cr-CW-
&si=x1ihUeu9YKNueVfA
E-books: https://auro-ebooks.com/authors/anandi-zhang
